Why did the blind man fall down the well?

Because they take you a boat as far in the desert as you can sea.

it turned out so bad, I had to file a complaint with the Batter Business Bureau.

It's a real udon it.

A lady walks up and she says “excuse me.” He says “yes”. She asks “where’s the broccoli? I can’t find the broccoli.” He says “oh, I’m really sorry ma’am, we ran out of broccoli. We will have some tomorrow morning.” He goes back to work and is stacking the oranges and hears behind him “Mr., Mr.” He turns around and it’s the same lady. “Where’s the broccoli at. You got any broccoli?” He says, “No ma’am, we’re fresh out of broccoli. We’ll have some tomorrow morning.” He goes back to work, and a couple minutes later this woman walks right up in his face and says “How come I can’t find any broccoli?” He says “lady, do me a favor, will you?” She says “what?” He says “indulge me. How do you spell cat, like in catastrophic?” She says “C.A.T.” “How do you spell dog, like in dogmatic?” “D.O.G.” “How do you spell fuck, like in broccoli?” She says “there is no fuck in broccoli.” He says “that’s what I’m trying to tell you lady!”

Why did Olive Oyl tell Popeye not to eat any spinach before bed? Because he kept singing... I'm quick to the finish, when I eats my spinach

I said, "It’s my weekend immune system."

A. I., A. I., oh?!

A woman was giving birth soon. The doctor told her an her husband that there was an experimental machine that could transfer the pain of labor to the father. They agreed to try it. The day arrived and the doctor set the machine at 10%. The husband wasn't phased and told the doctor to turn it up. The pregnancy pain was transferred more and more and at 100% the mother had a pain free labor and the husband didn't notice a thing. They took the baby home and the mailman was dead in the porch.

[translated from Yiddish] The Rabbi frowns at him. "So it's a new name you want, is it? Why? What's wrong with the name your mother and father gave you? The name you had when you were given your *bris*? The name you had when you became a *bar mitzvah*? The name you had when you stood under the *chuppa* and married your wife? Why do you want to change this? What *is* your name, anyway?" "Adolf Cumguzzler." The Rabbi recoils in horror. "Oy! Such a name, such a terrible, terrible name! I don't blame you for wanting to change it. If I had that name, I'd want to change it myself. So what do you want to change it *to*?" "*Franz* Cumguzzler." (Told to me by my grandfather, a German Jew who fled Germany for the United States literally days before this would have become impossible.)